Lovely~

As the title says it, yesterday was Father's Day. To be honest, this is the hardest topic for me to write. To start off, I've always been a Daddy's girl. I love my mom a lot too and we're like best friends but it's a whole different thing between a Father & Daughter. Unfortunately, things aren't the same anymore. I'll try my best to tell you my story and hopefully, you won't cry as much as I do. 

My parents divorced back in 2006 so that's been 10 years now. I've lived with my mom most of the time. For a time period (probably over a year a bit), it was tough for her, trying to find jobs. I ended up living with my dad for awhile and his "new" family immigrated over to live with us. It was the gloomiest time of my life. The moment they came, everything downfalls. I hated life. I tried to be nice to them, but I always turn out to be outcasted and the "mean" one. During my Senior year of high school, literally a month after I turned 18, the "lady" kicked me out of the house/family, stating that I'm rude to her and she can't stand me anymore. I was terrified. No where to stay, no job; my mom was out of state and I was still going to school. Out of the all the times, I wanted to see my dad's reaction and opinion to this. I want to see how he feels about me and he only comments "You're 18 now. You decide what you want to do. If you want to live here, you have to go under my rules." I don't know how to describe how painful I felt that day. My mother had to quit her job immediately and flew back as soon as possible. We both lived at her friend's house for me to continue going back to school. You can actually call us homeless. We went through another round of hardships (The first round was when my parents just divorced. My mom had a huge hard time.) because of what he chose to do. 

I loved my father a lot, however, he always had broken my heart. I forgave him and try to forget but it just lingers on. When I was small, I was really scared of him when I get in trouble. Never once did he yelled at me or hit me. He strictly tells me what I did wrong and then hugs me until I finished crying. He's always been the shoulder-to-cry on when I'm down. As I get older, never once have I ever disappoint him. As I reflect, I couldn't figure out where did everything went wrong. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Then I thought I'm still trying to find excuses, putting the blame on me on what was done. Why did I do that? 

If anyone had watch the Korean Reality Show from KBS "The Return of Superman", my relationship with my dad is like Choo Sarang & Choo Sunghoon. Seeing so many pictures and people enjoying their relationship with their Fathers made me felt so happy for them. Even though I'm very upset about what has happened, I now felt at ease on what I wanted in my life. One day when I get married, no matter how scared I am, I would be walking down that aisle without him. He would not be there nor would be replaced by anyone else. I'll give my Father-in-law all the love that I would've gave to my father. I would make sure my children deserve a father who would take care of them and love them more than I do. If I bumped into him somewhere one day, I would be walking away like I never knew him. I'm not seeking revenge because I believe karma would get them back, however, I want to make sure I make a statement that without them, I will survive and live happily. The best revenge is kill them with kindness. One day they'll realize what they had missed. The day he refused to keep me, is the day his daughter died and I was born again (Partical credits to Furious 7 ^^ hehehe).

In conclusion, hoped everyone enjoyed their Father's Day. If you have a Father and take them for granted, please do whatever you can to fix that and keep your relationship strong because there's people out there who doesn't have a Father and/or is neglected by a Father like me.